Me: "That part about recognizing your breath? Always freaks me out. I like the rest of the song, though."
EV: "Wow, you're an asshole."
Me:" Back at ya, leftie."
(we make out)
I remembered you for the first time in a long time.
It's been so many years since I even thought about the fact that I was married before, once upon a time. been busy raising them kids, so our little interlude has not been foremost on my mind.
Tonight, though? You're in my head. And for the first time ever, I get you. I get why I loved you and why my heart dropped into my stomach every time you looked at me.
Can you believe I remember the first time I ever saw you? You were in the hallway at high school, kissing up on Katie, your girlfriend at the time. And every part of me said "Must. Have".
I don't even know how I did it. One thing I can't remember is how I got you.
Oh, and we were so awful once we were together.
But for now, I remember...you were amazing. You shined.
Let's just jump right in, shall we? I'm the one in italics.
Johnny, thanks so much for sitting down with us.
JD (doing his little smirky face): There's only one of you.
I'm using the journalistic "us", Johnny.
JD: Can I smoke in here?
Ha! I smoke constantly in my blog. I'd be offended if you didn't smoke. By the way, last night was awesome.
JD: I'm sorry?
You know, last night? When we attended the Oscars together and I got up and threw a shoe at the presenter because you got screwed out of yet another "Best Actor" and then you said "That's my girl!" and then we made out?
JD: Um....(exhales smoke)...that didn't actually happen.
*rolls eyes* Ohhhhkay. Anyway,is it true that you named your son, Jack, after an imaginary pirate that you play in a movie? Because if that is true it would be ridiculous. Ha ha. I mean people think that I named my son, Jack, after an imaginary pirate that you played in a movie and then I have to remind them that he is actually named Jackson, which I got off of Hannah Montana and that it is just a coincidence that the short form of Jackson is Jack (which, as you may be aware, is the name of an imaginary pirate you played in a movie).
JD: What is truth, really? I mean, we all have this concept of truth and really everyones concept is so different and Tim, you know Tim, (runs hands through hair) is , like, he has this beautiful perspective and so...
Who?
JD: Tim. Tim Burton. We have a new movie coming out.
Again?
JD: Uh...yea. Isn't that why we're doing this interview?
Oh, right, sure. Ha. So, let me guess...Helena Bonham Carter is in this one too *coughbangingthedirectorcough*.
JD: Yes, she plays the Red Qu-
A lot of people say I look like Helena. You kind of have to agree:
Helena
Me
JD: Yea, so...as I was saying-
Do you remember when I said I would never talk to you again because you worked with Roman Polanski and then it turned out you said all these mean things about him and then I forgave you?JD: Uh, no?
Dude, it was on my Facebook.
JD: Okay, I'm going now.
One last question...do you always show up for interviews shirtless or was that just for me?
*door slams*
Johnny? Johnny?
And there you have it folks, my world exclusive interview with Johnny Depp. Celebrities can be so touchy, what with all the looking around for the exit and taking out restraining orders.
Well, it's this. It means knowing that for whatever reason you have missed your chance. That the person you thought was perfect for you turns out to have not thought the same way. And then you move on and forward and create a new life, and new lives (also known as babies) and it's all good. So good that you don't even remember what the big deal was anyway.
Just woke up from yet another airplane dream. Literally just woke up - my eyes are still blurry.
For most of my life, I've had a hard time buying clothes. This is for two reasons: one, I have about zero interest in fashion (you can confirm this with either of my sisters). And two, nothing ever fits because it is all TOO BIG. I am 5' tall (according to my drivers license, and if that's good enough for the great State of Pennsylvania, then it's good enough for you) and usually weigh between 97 and 103 pounds (do not attempt to confirm this, especially with my older sister, who will tell you I am full of shit). So you would think that a size 0, 1, 2 or even a 4 should work great for me. Well, you would be wrong. It's all too long, or fits at the top but not at the bottom, etc. I get pretty lucky with American Eagle jeans, which is why you will see me rotate the same two pairs until they literally fall apart, and which is also why I don't mind paying a stupid amount of money for jeans, because, hey, I get some serious mileage from them.
Did you hear that joke about how Barack Obama's bowling skills are so bad, it's like the Special Olympics?
So...let me see if I understand this...Barney Frank demands the names of private individuals who have committed no crimes. These individuals received retention bonuses from the company they work for, AIG. AIG received bail out money from the government (well, actually from all of us taxpayers), in a bill approved by Congress that contained specific language allowing for the distribution of these bonuses. And now Frank wants the heads of the only people in this sickening scenario that didn't actually do anything wrong?
However you may feel about the people who took these bonuses (and please read this before you form a final opinion on that subject), you should be terrified of the fact that your government feels perfectly entitled to go to your boss and DEMAND that he give up your name and what you plan to do with the money you earned, and if your boss doesn't comply, well, then they'll subpoena him. And when your boss expresses concern for your safety (since people are threatening to strangle you with piano wire and harm your children, all because you WERE COMPENSATED FOR YOUR WORK), the government basically laughs in his face (see Michelle Malkin). It should outrage you that the only people expected to do the "right thing" here are the people who accepted the bonus. Congress? Hell no!!! Hungry, taxpayers? Have a red herring!
And if these people choose not to give up their money, well that's fine. Because now the House has voted to tax these bonuses at a rate of 90%. That's right, boys and girls. This is your friendly U.S. Goverment telling you if you don't give them your money, they're just gonna go ahead and take it.
And that just may be the scariest thing of all.
Dear Charlie Gibson - No, I am NOT wondering what is going through Al Gore's head because I am confident it is utter nonsense as usual.
11:18 AM - Thank God someone is giving the senior Bushes a hand. Is it just me or were they left to flounder? And, BTW - that someone is Bill Clinton...WTF...
11:19 - Jimmy and Roz are up. No comment.
Now the senior Bushes...bless them...Babs looks good, so does George H.W., actually.
Here come the Clintons. And of course the crowd goes wild. If you look closely, you'll see the special detail assigned to clean up the trail of slime they leave behind them...
Gah. I need a beer. Charlie Gibson is rambling on about the moving trucks at the White House.
11:25 - The Obama girls look beautiful. They seem very excited, God bless them.
Aretha - WTF is on your head?
Oh, God SHUT UP Diane. "My Country tis of Thee will be sung in a new way for African-Americans". Why? Was it not their country before? I hate the MSM. EDIT: apprently she was paraphrasing MLK. Guess that makes it okay. (rolls eyes).
11:28 - I love Laura Bush "Hey everybody. How are you all?" Adorable!
The adoring masses are chanting for the One. Thought I heard "no more Bush" but the cameras cut away (shockingly). Those Obama supporters - all class.
11:31 - Michelle Obama looks good. Very classy, but no more so than any other political wife.
Charlie is now spouting some bullshit about the Declaration of Independence "As I said on election night...all men are created equal...and now this is a giant step forward". What an asswipe...no time to go into detail on the douchebaggery of this statement...I beleive it is "self-evident"
11:38 - The President looks GREAT - confident and relaxed. Love you Dubya!
11:39 - Here comes that fucking clown Biden. He's probably ready to wet his pants, he just cannot believe he actually made it.
And here's the One - looking appropriately solemn, I must say. You know, I might actually cheer the historic significance of this moment if that weren't the only thing it was about.
I might have to mute Charlie Gibson. Or kick him in the ass, either one.
Well, I gotta go do some laundry. Might be back.
11:49 - Pastor Rick Warren - meh. Peaceful transition, African-American president, blah blah blah, MLK, asking for blessings on Obie, Biden, etc...
That was cute...girl in the crowd just realized she was on the jumbotron...cute reaction...I love people!
Had to pause for a minute to say the Lord's prayer with Pastor Rick. That part I liked.
Muting Aretha. Smoke break.
12:06
So there you go. America is a big girl now.
Joking aside, that was cute. He looks good, Michelle looked good.
Oh, here's the speech.
Humbled, mindful, grateful...mm hmm...thanks G.W., good, he should. That man went through hell for this country.
Whoa...he mentioned the war...and failure to make hard choices re:the economy (dear congress...)...
We have chosen hope over fear...um, is that just political B.S. or does it meeeaaan something?
I've always believed that all are free to pursue the opportunities of this country...and I do mean ALL.
Pleasures of riches and fame...hellloooo Hollywood...this means you, dummies...
This is a nice speech. I guess I'm not moved because I didn't vote for him, nor do I believe him to be capable of delivering...but the kool-aid drinkers seem pretty into it, based on crowd reactions.
Me! Me! I question the scale of your ambitions! And, no, my memory is not short.
Okay, here comes the socialist stuff. Gotta run...Wee Jack just woke up, obviously he senses a great disturbance in the force.
Back...okay, enough with the father stuff...what about your mom???
He is a good speaker, I will give him that. And good looking too. Yea, I said it.
12:39 - OMG, I swear Michelle Obama just checked her palm for the words to the National Anthem...
Michelle Malkin blogs the inauguration.
More from Malkin.
So as we approach Christmas, I found myself in a debate with my SO about the afterlife. Seems he was at his favorite watering hole and got into a conversation with the bartender (not the hot one, the nice one, like I give a s-word either way) about their respective beliefs on reincarnation. Apparently she gave him quite a bit to think about because he said to me "There might be something to that, you know. Heaven can't be big enough for everybody, and you should have to earn your way in. You know, like try to live a good life and learn some lessons and if you don't quite make it the first time you go back and try again."
Well. I may not know much in this life, but I have learned to tread carefully when this sort of thing comes up. People get veeerrry touchy when it comes to God, and the last thing you want to do is turn them off completely. But since he's stuck with me no matter what I say, I laid it on the line.
I told him there is no earning salvation. There is no way we could ever get their on our own...we all mess up and will continue to do so until the day we die. There is a price to pay, one that we could never afford, but it doesn't matter, because Jesus paid that price for us.
He said "So you're telling me that if I go out and kill 8 people, I just say I'm sorry and I love Jesus and I still get to go to Heaven." To which I could only say, "If you were truly repentant, and you sincerely accepted Jesus as your Saviour, then yes."
Look, I know people struggle with that concept. I struggle with it myself. You think I don't think every child molester shouldn't burn in his own special hell? But it's not up to me who goes to Heaven or hell...that is between each person and God. People who reject the notion of Jesus as salvation always throw this one at you - "So you think I'm going to hell, right?". Well, no I don't because it's not my decision. If it were up to me, everyone I care about would go to Heaven regardless of their beliefs, just as the aforementioned scum of the earth would rot in hell. But I don't get to decide (which is probably a good thing).
So when I explained all this to Grant he said "It can't be that simple." And I thought about it and I realized that it is. Easy, no. Simple, yes. The way to the Father is through the Son.He made you. He knows your heart and He loves you anyway. Be thankful.
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